A Wish I Wish I Never Wished
by R-A-W-R-I-E
Summary: A SongFic based on the song 'Until the Day I Die'. Hiroki argues with Nowaki and in rage shouts out five words. A wish that was just blurted out in anger and not meant to come true - But it does. My 1st OneShot so feedback please! Slightly OOC -- R


A/N: This is my first SongFic. So please R&R. I was listening to this song and a load of ideas rushed into my head. Basically it's a Nowaki and Hiroki (Egoist) Oneshot that is slightly depressing I suppose... R&R please!!!

* * *

_**Until the day I die,**_

_**I'll spill my heart for you.**_

Stubborn.

Arrogant.

Cocky.

I hated him with a passion.

Yet, my heart belonged to him.

No matter how many times he broke my fragile heart…

… It still belonged to him.

And only him.

Even now…

_**Until the day I die,**_

_**I'll spill my heart for you.**_

We were always on and off.

It never ceased to be that way with us.

I always wished someone would knock him off his high horse. That'd sort him right out.

And it did…

… But not quite the way I planned.

_**As years go by,**_

_**I race the clock with you.**_

Watching you leave me back then…

… If only you knew how it shattered my heart.

And every time you came back…

… I still loved you…

… With all the little pieces.

For those years you was studying, there was one thing on my mind.

You wanted to reach to my level and not be left behind.

I ignored that - just brushed those words aside.

It didn't occur to me how serious you were.

Now…

Now it's too late.

_**But if you died right now,**_

_**You know that I'd die too,**_

_**(I'd die too).**_

Standing here now.

That place where you were… remember?

I hate myself for what I did.

Next time I'll listen to all those people when they say…

"Be careful what you wish for."

And now as I stand here, I think…

… My inside promise…

… I have yet to fulfill.

_**You remind me of the times**_

_**When I knew who I was.**_

Back before we met I was just like you before you left.

But times had changed.

Again and again.

Then came that one day…

I found someone precious.

I found someone sacred.

I found you.

Without you I wouldn't have changed.

I'd still be alone.

I'd still be cold.

I'd still be hating.

Back then you changed me to the man I once was.

And I shan't ever forget that.

Although each time we parted…

… Deep down inside…

… I knew it would never work out.

And the funny thing is…

… This time I was sadly right.

_**But still the second hand will catch us,**_

_**Like it always does.**_

_**(Like it always does).**_

Somehow it'll work out, right?

It always has.

It always will…

… Even if I have to help destiny out.

At those golden gates, Nowaki.

That's where I'll meet you.

Just like that day where I ran after you.

Every step I took just added onto how much harder it hurt.

Step… step… step…

Crack… crumble… crash…

Stop… drop… Scream…

Going… going… gone…

_**We'll make the same mistakes.**_

_**I'll take the fall for you.**_

If I could turn back time,

You know I would.

We'll do everything we said we would.

I would play back all the little, stupid things you and I did.

But as for that moment in your life. I would've replaced you with me.

I would've kept you so many things…

Safe.

Secure.

Alive.

Running for you.

Running to save you from that man.

Watching as my feet just ran without my control to stop them.

The man raising his hand - a small gun clenched tightly in his palm.

The line explosives setting off one by one heading towards the bridge.

The cocked gun.

The slowly advancing explosions and fire.

Just a little further…

A little bit more…

The man's fingers played with the trigger pulling it back and releasing it as the final explosion was heard and the bridge gave way.

_**I hope you need this now.**_

'_**Cause I know I still do**_

Even as I stand here now.

That moment replays itself.

Like a broken record repeating the worst lyrics of the song.

Seeing that man standing over you.

The sounds of explosives going off.

Hearing the shot.

Hearing those numerous explosions.

Hearing your silence as the bridge collapsed.

Wondering what it was that did it.

Wondering why you didn't run whilst you still could.

Wondering… what if?

_**Until the day I die,**_

_**I'll spill my heart for you.**_

Now…

… Now I will join you.

As I stand here above you.

One thing is on my mind.

I loved you but never showed it.

My pride controlled my mind.

My mind controlled my heart.

And my heart was blindly following you with limited success.

_**Until the day I die,**_

_**I'll spill my heart for you.**_

Since then I've lived my life walking towards open doors and stopping.

Every opportunity that arises now means nothing without you by my side.

Every little memory I have is plastered in my head.

Every little memory I have is all I have left …

… Of you…

… Of me…

… Of us…

Taking glimpses of your photos.

Taking glimpses of those letters you sent me when you left to study.

And although it's pointless now…

… I sit at my desk replying to each and every one of those sappy letters.

Replying to them and one day when we meet again, I'll give them to you.

_**Should I bite my tongue,**_

_**Until blood soaks my shirt?**_

_**We'll never fall apart,**_

_**So tell me why this hurts so much**_

Now that I'm alone, I'm left with just my thoughts.

We had such great times.

So why am I not happy?

I know the answer.

I know how I can be.

I know what to do.

I can't just sit here feeling all this pain and heartache.

I know I have to move on.

Get a grip.

Whatever.

But I don't think I can do that.

_**My hands are at your throat and I think I hate you.**_

_**But we'll say "remember when",**_

_**Just like we always do.**_

_**Just like we always do.**_

And do you know what hurts the most?

The fact that I never expressed how I truly felt about you.

I never said how your kisses made me feel all light-headed and when you kissed me I felt like I was floating on the air.

I never said how much I missed you during those years that you were away. When I never got any letters to say you were doing well. My heart was breaking every minute you were away.

I never said on a daily basis how much I loved you. And the worst part on that is I even said I hated you before you left.

The last words of our argument… was a mistake.

My last words: I wish you were dead.

I said those five words.

That one wish that I so selfishly blurted out in rage.

The only wish out of my millions of wishes.

That was the half-hearted wish that came true.

Now here I am.

Drowning my sorrows with a bottle of sake.

Clouding my mind.

Clouding my memory.

Clouding my vision.

Drifting off into a world of unconsciousness as pictures play in my head.

In my mind, plays all the sacred memories I hold so dear to my heart.

Nowaki…

Nowaki…

Nowaki…

I love you Nowa------

_**Until the day I die(Until the day I die)**_

_**I'll spill my heart for you, for you.**_

_**Until the day I die(Until the day I die)**_

_**I'll spill my heart for you**_

_**Until the day I die(Until the day I die)**_

_**Until the day I die**_

* * *

It's confusing slightly, I know. And it's not overly great either so if you want I will revise this - I just did it quickly before my ideas were all gone.

The general idea was that Nowaki was killed, Hiroki is miserable without him and I thought the song fitted in.

If I revise this, I might add more of a plot but I was tired and this was the best I could do for now.

R&R R&R R&R

Somewhere where Hiroki says

"Back before we met I was just like you before you left.

But times had changed.

Again and again."

He is referring to when he was a boy and met Usami.


End file.
